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This well drawn & has an anime feel to it, but not much animation. What's with the lines just scratching out the image like the eyes at 0:58, as it looks sloppy?

Asphyxiaorange responds:

Was just having fun with it! To me a lot more of it looks sloppy than that, since it was rushed, but I'm glad you gave it a watch.

The opening animation is choppy & feet slide down the steps instead of walking;
The text is small & hard to read (try zooming in on the focus area & the rule of thumb is you should be able to read it twice if you want to us to read it once);
You actually created 1 or more accounts to blam other submissions as seen in this video, including "redhotsexymen82". Did you also use your 82 accounts to vote this video up?

When it comes to text, the rule of thumb is "you should be able to read it twice" if you want us to read it once. We should not need to constantly pause to read. Next text should contrast with the back ground color so we can see. EX dark red text on brown = hard to see, dark red text on light blue is easy to see. Ex compare the dark red at 5:17 to the light red at 5:26 this see how much different the text look as the lighter red really pops by contrasting with the dark black background & is easier to see. Finally the text hops all over the screen, so keep in mind that some of us may have small screens that clip the text from top/bottom or will need to scroll to find it. Ex small fuzzy white text at 1:39 on bottom of screen, instead could have been center of the black road & enlarged to have one word on top of the other, so that its fuzzy & large enough to be readable. Animation has a decent fight sequence.

You may want to animate the lips when characters are talking. Otherwise this a good story with good voices & well drawn.
I like the irony that lion concerned about children hearing violent stories, soon after, meets a violent death. Its a contrast to the opening of happy cubs telling stories, but also fits by showing that the told story, is not much different from the prides current raw reality. Reminds me of Watership Down & the Lion King.

The volume is inconsistent, so I had to max the volume to hear what was being said, so most may not know there is any sound after the first rap battle. You may want to try normalizing the audio in Audacity or decreasing the music volume or adding subtitles. All the characters sound the same. The spoky kids began sounding different but the you broke character in the middle. You also may want to animate the mouths so we know who is speaking, especially when more then one character is being introduced & no other animation is happening. You can also find voice actors in the newgrounds voice forum.
GF is shaded differently then the rest of the characters, which I think works & kind make her clothes look like sexy skin tight vinyl. You also had few good fluid animations like the spoky kid hand pointing at the girl.

ElijahAnimations responds:

Thank for the things that was wrong with it the was kinda rush since I saw the post so late have a nice day. "THIS ANIMATION" IS FUCKING CRINGE!!!!!!!!!

Like most "my story animated" videos, this one uses heavy exaggerations & combines multi stories while ignoring any progress that has been made; however, I think more effort can be put into making the exaggerations funny. For example if you going to steal the unrelated deforestation from the Lorax, don't simply replace the Lorax with the bunny. If you going to steal the Teflon 50 years water pollution effects that started before the chemical right to know laws existed where Dupont deliberately continued to violate those laws by spraying local rivers with an unregulated & unreported chemical; then at least include the Teflon logo.

You can upload an animated gif to the art portal. Not enough happening in this loop to be considered an animation.

The excess squiggly lines on the trees make it hard to tell them apart especially when they are close together. Kind of hurts my eyes. ex 00.10.33

thomasBaldwin responds:

You can’t tell the Forrest for the trees

This is great combo of an classical mad scientist war criminal anti-German stereotypical character combined with a modern day simp. Looking forward to see how you modernize classical cartoon characters mocking Japan & Italy next.

You do good work.

You might want to spread out your uploads (over more then 1 day apart), because you are competing against yourself for the front page/ top 5 & such.

JOLTBOLTDrawings responds:

Aw thanks! and thank you for the advice, I'll make sure to do that

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